This isn’t a drill

My coworker shoved a shield and sword into my arms which already were overflowing with armor and other things I didn’t have full training for.

I stood there wide eyed and confused. We hadn’t covered this in my training. Was this my armor? These questions bubbled around my head for a second before my coworker Lily shoved me into a changing room. “Change. We don’t have time!” She yelled. I stood there for a second before dropping everything and changing into the armor recently shoved into my arms. My heart was going a million miles an hour and I was sweating bullets. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t know if I was ever going to be ready.

Lily shoved the door open as I was trying to shove my boots on. “Come on! Lets go.” She snapped. I stumbled after her hopping on one leg putting a boot on. The office was on fire and if you even tried to breathe you would swallow ash. Were any of us ready? I caught up to lily once I put my boot on. Everyone was facing the door holding something to protect themselves. A sword, a plant, some type of blunt object and others were trying as hard as they could to hide.

But it was coming. I held my sword close to myself.

It didn’t matter if i was ready. I could do this.

We all can. Go out there. Go fight

Freelance Writing

I never intended to become a free lance writer.

In fact I still don’t know if I could do it. You’re your own boss, you manage your own schedule and your constantly looking for work. Is that a job I can do? I’m honestly not sure. If I don’t try at all though I know I’m going to regret not following my dreams. I love writing. I love writing about love. I love writing about space, about people, about fairies and animals. Writing is such an open world that we’ve barley scratched the surface of and to me that’s so unbelievably fascinating.

I binged watched Steven Universe and one of the quotes that really stood out to me was how human lives were all so complicated. Yet they were so simple. The sights we see, the sounds we here and the lives we live are all so similar and so different. That’s absolutely incredible.

Follow your dreams. Be happy. Love yourself

Mousetrap 

I had a stable job and I left

Working Kind of sucks.

Okay I know what you’re thinking. It has been one year and a month since I started this blog and I’ve hardly done anything with it. For that I apologize. Things got a little hectic for me and I lost myself. I lost myself in an RF gun and a job that paid me eleven dollars an hour. The problem with that was it also made me physically ill, gave me no time for myself and made me sleep all of the time.

Money does not equal happiness. I was able to afford things I wanted, when I wanted them and it didn’t put a dent in my bank account. I could afford concerts, the newest video games, LARP events, but I found myself isolated and unhappy. Sure I was making enough money to get what I need, pay my phone bill, pay for my medication, buy food but every day I spent in that warehouse I felt not only physically but mentally ill. I found myself lost because this is what everyone wanted from me. This was what made people proud of me. Yet I found myself crying on a regular basis. I found myself unhappy constantly and I could never figure out why.

I know now it’s because that wasn’t what I wanted. It wasn’t what I wanted to be doing. The money was nice but that didn’t make me happy.  What makes me happy is writing and being creative. What makes me happy is putting my emotions into something i truly care about and expressing myself in various ways. This is what I want to be doing and it’s going to be hard, it’s going to take time but I know I can do this. I know i can do this with everything I have.

Don’t lose yourself over money. Do what you love.

MouseTrap

Day Eleven (Only not really)

Monday,  August 15th 12:38 am

Honestly I really don’t have an excuse for why I’ve been gone so long. I think about this blog everyday and I can’t help but feel guilty. As if I’ve abandoned a child on the side of road. I’ve recently started working, I got a job at amazon and that would the good side of what was going on currently. The bad side being me getting into a car accident with my girlfriend and her dad. It left me unable to walk for about a week and unable to go onto the freeway without crying and being very very clingy.

My three nieces have been doing well, they’ve all recently completely recovered from a nasty cold that left one of them with asthma for a short period of time. The whole house is always in sort of a panic, but that’s honestly nothing new.

I’m afraid of others looking at me differently but I have ADHD, anxiety and depression. My days have been consisting of going to work, going to bed, and going to work again. It’s all my body would let me do, and sometimes even working is hard. Sometimes I would sit by the pile of work and stare at it because I have no drive or will power to do what I’m paid to do.

I’m going to try to get better on writing on this, and returning to writing a story that goes with the one word prompt daily. I’m sorry for being so inactive for so long, and I promise to try my best!

Mousetrap

Goals

When I was six years old I would draw pictures on sheets of printer paper, staple them together, and call myself an author. It was harmless enough and my mother smiled because of the creative side I could show off from such a young age. Until I told her that I wanted to write books for a living. She frowned, turned to look at me, and told me that being an author was probably never going to work. I thought that when I grew big and strong that would be my purpose. To make others smile through my words. I didn’t ever stop writing though. I never stopped and no matter what anyone told me I kept going.

When I would sing in the car everyday on the way home my older brother would scold me and tell me I needed to stop. I would try mimicking the beautiful voices in hope one day I would sound just as great as they did. I sadly never met that dream, because everyday I was met with opposition and despite my desperate attempts I felt belittled, I was mocked, and my purpose for singing so often was completely gone. Why should I sing when all I did was make everyone else unhappy? So I stopped singing. I stopped singing and to this day I regret it.

When I was eight i remember painting snowman and other various things. If my purpose was to let my creative side out through song, then it would be through a paintbrush. Right? I painted everyday. I painted bugs, snowmen, and whatever I could think of. I showed my mom and just like my writing, she told me chances of being what I want to be is slim to none. Being a painter would cause me to constantly be broke and she advised me to find another dream. Unlike my writing I stopped. I stopped getting better. I stopped trying and that’s what killed me. Never stop doing what you love. Never. I should have kept going because painting made me happy. Painting was an outlet for my emotions and feelings I should have never gotten rid of.

I lost myself in the words and thoughts of others around me. It took me nineteen years to realize what anyone thinks of what I do doesn’t matter. It’s making me happy. I am happy. And that’s all that should matter. That’s all thats going to matter.

That I’m happy.

Day Ten (Sorta): Home

June second, 2016 3:16 pm

Yes, I am perfectly aware I was gone way longer than I had originally said. I didn’t plan that, at all, and I hope you guys forgive me. Life decided to slap me across the face and I haven’t completely recovered still. In a nutshell I went to Oregon and almost ended up homeless from my own stupidity.

Not everything that happened while I was gone was a bad thing. I got a job at amazon, and while I’m still waiting for a schedule from them it’s my first job and I’m very excited. The national event I attended was a blast and I’m still very drained from that. Four days of running, walking, late nights and screaming. (Don’t be concerned, no one there actually died, it’s a live action roleplay, and combat isn’t that painful).

I went with my girlfriend, which I was very happy to share a tent with for four days and three nights. I was even happier to have her company for a little more than a week and a half. As cheesy as it sounds waking up and being with her everyday was honestly one of the best things and I can’t wait until I can see her everyday and wake up to that smile of hers. It makes me happy just thinking about it.

Now I am back home. My dad came into my room and hugged me, because when I left I left kind of rudely. I left without saying a word to any of my family members because I was so incredibly angry. Things are even better between me and my mom and more of my family members.  Things are looking up for me. Things are going to be okay.

XOXO MouseTrap

Day nine: Ugh

Thursday, May 12th 5:49 pm

It is so hot it’s kind of ridiculous. For a large majority of today I have been in bed due to stomach issues that I can only subdue, and will have to wait for my body stop being so sad to be on my A game again. Which brings me to something I didn’t want to do again but no daily prompt today, I feel seriously awful and I’m just not in the greatest condition to be sitting here writing.

Anyway, that’s all I have to say for today really, but I hope you all have a good rest of the day!

XOXO Mouse