Day eight: I’m sorry, what?

Wednesday, May 11th 2:26 pm

What do you mean I have ten followers? You’re kidding right? That’s insane! I didn’t think I would have more than two or three, and even thats pushing it! Oh gosh, I am so flattered, and thank you for reading my silly little short stories. Thank you so much because every notification that tells me someone else likes my story, or someone else commented on it, or someone else began following me, make me so happy and I’m amazed any of you decided to stick around for more of my dumb little ramblings.

I was thinking about putting my short stories into a book, and even adding some more that won’t make it to the site because I don’t want to post everything Online. Maybe some excerpts but not all of the chapters because well what’s the fun in buying a book you can read all Online? The thought of publishing gives me really good feelings that maybe I could be what I’ve been aspiring to be since I was little kid.

I’m going to be editing the stories I put on the blog to make them more polished and clear some ideas up that weren’t so clear in the first publishing. If you guys hadn’t noticed, most of work is very rough, and that is only because I do not proof read. At all. It’s a really bad habit and I know I should proof read before I hit publish but I’m going to do the literal exact same thing to this post and hit publish. Fight me.

No  short story from the one word prompt of the day. One reason being I want to get started editing the short stories I have so far and another being I just can’t think of anything to write for it. Lame excuse I know, but its the truth.

Stay lovely

XOXO Mouse

Love

He wore tank tops and basketball shorts, and when he smiled those dimples made my heart race. I was only seven years old and I could have sworn I was in love. Not just with him, but with so many others. I was in love with the lunch lady that smiled at me and told me happy birthday. I was in love with my first friend, because every day she brought fruit snacks and always gave me a strawberry because she knew they were my favorite. I was in love with my grandma, because she held my hand every day to and from school. I was in love with the girl that saw I was down and spent all her classroom tickets on a doll I had wanted for so long.

I’m in love with the tree in my grandma’s backyard because everyday me and my cousin would sit under it and have a picnic.  I’m in love with soccer and running because almost every day my cousins and I would run around and play together, hitting a ball against the fence and scoring goals. My life is filled with so much love, from me, from everyone else, and for so many things. My mother loves pink Macrons and freshly brewed chamomile tea. My dad loves lakes and fishing poles. My sister in law loves her daughter’s smile and her sister’s laugh.

When I was twelve years old I fell in love with kind words and gentle hugs. I fell in love with the smell of fresh noodles and hours of video games. I fell in love with the joy of having new friends and big open fields. Love was everywhere. Love was in the way my best friend hugged me after a hard day. Love was the way my parent’s kissed my head when it was time to go to sleep. Love was the way she brushed the hair out of my face when it was getting into my food.

Love was when I was fifteen and his eyes were diamonds and his kisses were gold. Love was when his hugs felt like heaven and he smelled like chocolate milk and home. Love was holding hands and the walks in the park every morning. Love was every moment with him, and every call with him, until love left us. Love left us cold and distant, but once upon a time it brought us warmth and together.

I fell in love again with his long blond hair and beautiful German accent. I fell in love with the way the held my hand and let me lay on their chest. I fell in love with their smell, and the way the pulled me close and spun me around every time they saw me. Love never left us, we just love in a different way now. He’s a beautiful friend, and now a very happy boyfriend to a very lucky person.

I fell in love with long brown hair and deep brown eyes, the smell of green tea, and video calls until three in the morning when I met him. I fell in love with the way he hugged me, the smile he got when I placed kisses on his cheeks, and the smile on his features when I brought him gifts. I fell in love with someone and every flaw, because thats what you do when your in love. When you love someone you love every part of who they are. You love their flaws, you love their looks, you love everything they do, and thats because you love them. You love them for being who they are, no matter how loud or how sweaty they got.

Thats when I met her. I was in a green wig and she was tall, beautiful and nervous. She smells like fresh laundry, her lips are as soft as the first time I kissed them, and her arms feel like home. I fell in love with the way she lays on my chest and gets so comfortable she falls asleep. I fell in love with the way she forgets how much she can say and keeps going about everything she loves so much. From her stories to her worlds, I would listen, and she would stop because she would get so lost in her tale she became flustered and hid her face.

I’ve fallen in love with many people. I’ve fallen in love with so many things. I’ve fallen in love with books, food, magic, feelings, and myself. Love is never a short list. Love is so many things that I can never just tell anyone everything that I love. Because in the time I would speak I would fall in love with so many more things. I would fall in love even more with everything I would speak of. I would fall in love with the feeling of comfort between me and the individual, and I fall in love with their gestures and matter of speaking that my list would continue to grow on that very spot.

I’ve heard people say you need to reserve your love. That you need to keep it special and reserve it for things truly deserving. To that I say what a boring life to live. Love everything. Love the smell of coffee in the morning. Love the warmth of your bed sheets and calmness of night. Love the smell of new books and Dragon blood incense. Love they way your hair looks after the shower, love the way your makeup looks, love yourself, and don’t let anyone tell you what you can and can’t love. Love freely and with passion. Love with everything you have. Be open to receiving love and spreading love. Because love is so crazy and so different that love is never the same feeling. Love is complex, love is different, and love is free.

Day Seven: Headache

Tuesday, May 10th. 2:36 pm

I’m on my second day without anti-depressants. Not gonna lie I still kind feel kind of out of it, but way less so than I did yesterday. Hopefully my dad comes home with them soon,  because I’m still pretty dependent on them. It’s not something I really like but it’s something I still have to live with.

I have not taken a glance at the one word prompt for today but whatever it is I’m sure I’ll think of something to write along side it. Yesterday I took some time for myself and did some yoga, ran for thirty minutes on the Treadmill, and took a relaxing shower. It helped center myself and keep stress at bay and I hadn’t taken the time to care for my own well being that It was honestly extremely refreshing. I urge everyone to take time for themselves, even if it’s a shower or a good meal. Your health and peace of mind matter just as much as everyone else’s, and taking time to ensure you’re okay should be part of your daily routine.

Sadly I do have a headache. I woke up with one because allergy season is having a giant impact on me. Then again allergy season for me is all year round considering I have four dogs and live in the valley. My niece has wandered in and decided to join me in typing,  and by join me I mean stare at my fingers as they type. Also randomly shut down the door. Then stare at my girlfriend as I video chat with her.

Stay lovely

XOXO Mouse

Roses on fire

Some people wake up to alarm clocks, and I wake up to crying. Currently there are three children living in the house and all of them are under the age of three. Every day I am greeted with one of three crying, and the same baby isn’t the one crying for a second day. It’s a routine now. Which baby is crying? Is it the infant or the toddler? My attempts of turning to the side and trying to head back to sleep are matched with louder screaming. These are not even my kids. I am glad to hear that my brother has beautiful healthy babies but I am not glad to hear them cry every single morning without fail.

Every day without fail I also wake up to see my girlfriend, my fast asleep on the other end of the video call, or a dead phone. If I’m really lucky I’ll wake up to her in front of me, and a small dog clawing at the door for attention. Mornings are not and I don’t think ever will be in slightest bit boring. If they aren’t filled with sloppy kisses they are filled with screaming children. I would rather have the kisses. The rest of the day could also go one or two ways. Fairly calm, with an infant crying out for milk every so often, or with them crying every ten minutes. When one baby stops crying the other one starts. That is no exaggeration.

Mentally things could go one of three ways. The first being rather smoothly and happily, with no nervous jitters and Rose incense. The second being a little bumpy with slight nerves and maybe going to bed early. The third, and the most chaotic, being not capable to leave bed because my entire body is completely weighed down and everything seems like a chore. This is hardest to combat because all of my senses are low if not shut down, and the fight your constantly battling to carry on with you day is becoming lost. Nothing is ever set in stone. Nothing is ever going to be set as one hundred percent calm. Nothing is going to be exactly how you want it.

That sounds kind of terrifying. It is. Yet it’s so many other things. It’s magical. It mysterious. It’s amazing. Because you don’t know that your life is going to be filled with choices and laughter. With friends and family and love. With kisses and tight embraces. Life is chaotic and never boring. Life is a mystery and it’s a mystery I never want to solve.  I don’t want to know when my girlfriend is going to kiss me because every surprise kiss is even better than the last. I don’t want to know when I’m going to find money on the floor because that takes the joy out of the surprise. I don’t want to know when she’s going to kneel on one knee to me because I want the sudden thrill of being engaged.

You can’t live trying to make sure everything is set straight. You can’t live trying to balance chaos. I’m not very old. I’m not very wise. I’m young enough to know the path paved in front of me is from my own accord, from my own accomplishments, and from my own failures. And I know that every single accomplishment and every single failure is one hundred percent a factor in who I am and who I’m going to be. Every single day of my life is new and fresh and a complete mystery. Every face I see, every snack I eat, every meal I have, and every word I speak has such and impact on not only myself but the people around me. I want the chaos of not knowing how much of an impact my words make on everyone.

My only wish is that they leave a good one.

 

Day Six: Recharge

Monday, May 9th 11:20 am

Today is the first day in two years I am running solely off of will power. No depression or anxiety medication, nothing to ease myself into the day, and it’s significantly harder than I ever though it would be. I am constantly looking over my shoulder, feeling cold chills down my spine, and feel really nervous for not much of a reason. My one word prompt is going up today, as promised, but I do ask all of you keep in mind that I’m not one hundred percent okay and my writing may reflect that.

There is Rose incense currently in the burner and that does help my mood go up quite a bit, as well as my trip out of state later this month. During May twenty sixth to may twenty ninth I will try my best to post my daily updates but things get a little chaotic when I go to these events so I can’t make any promises. Everyday before that hopefully things will continue to be posted on my usual daily schedule. Also, not from my phone, because I have less control over how I type and spell a lot of words completely incorrectly. Which is very annoying.

After I finish this up I should get started on the word prompt of the day. Sadly, no news on Bees, Bunnies and corsets, but I’ll keep all of you informed if anything comes up

Stay Lovely

XOXO Mouse

Day Five: Smore Frappuccino

Another phone update. Bear with me, I haven’t gotten much sleep

It’s currently nine in the morning and I just want to go back to sleep. Today I’m going out with my mom and Grandma to celebrate mothers day, and we are on our way to Salvadoran cuisine for breakfast. A small part of me wishes I brought my father along because he’s not going to be very happy. This is the first year since my grandma’s passing that she’s not here for mothers day. I’m not the one driving, so I can’t call the shots, but I would have rather not left him alone today.

I’m probably going to lay my head down and nap after I post this, but I’m going to have it qued up so it posts at my usual time. I don’t plan on waking up this early every day.

I’m also heading to an acting class in the afternoon, and if I gather the courage I might vlog too. I’ve been trying to for a while now but I’ve always been super nervous about it. Everything is kind of up in the air and nothing is solid other than my current plans to attend an event later this month, and when that comes up I’ll let you guys know.

One word prompts should begin again tomorrow, and maybe even more work when it comes to terms of my book.

For now, I urge you to stay Lovely

XOXO Mouse

Day Four: Twins

Mouse here

Im posting this update from my phone and it’s something I don’t want to happen often. I can’t exactly step away from my infant nieces to go write the one word prompt as usual but that’s okay.

Last night was when I realized how much scent affects my mood. Rose incense wakes me up, lavender puts me to sleep, and Dragons blood seems to inspire creative work. I’m still empty when it comes to Dragons blood but that shouldn’t be to hard to fix.

These little rants of mine should be happening once a day, hopefully everyday, and it’s mainly for my own benefit. Maybe it’s nice to just have a nice little space where I can express myself freely, or maybe I just complain too much. Regardless they do provide me with some sort of stress relief. I don’t spend enough time making sure that I’m okay, and this little time I spend to talk about whatever is nice.

Sadly right now Bees, Bunnies and Corsets is everywhere and I have no idea where it’s going to start, end, or what’s even going to happen. Is that normal? Eh I don’t care.

The twins are waking up and my now two year old niece is wrecking Havoc.

Stay Lovely ♡
XOXO Mouse