This isn’t a drill

My coworker shoved a shield and sword into my arms which already were overflowing with armor and other things I didn’t have full training for.

I stood there wide eyed and confused. We hadn’t covered this in my training. Was this my armor? These questions bubbled around my head for a second before my coworker Lily shoved me into a changing room. “Change. We don’t have time!” She yelled. I stood there for a second before dropping everything and changing into the armor recently shoved into my arms. My heart was going a million miles an hour and I was sweating bullets. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t know if I was ever going to be ready.

Lily shoved the door open as I was trying to shove my boots on. “Come on! Lets go.” She snapped. I stumbled after her hopping on one leg putting a boot on. The office was on fire and if you even tried to breathe you would swallow ash. Were any of us ready? I caught up to lily once I put my boot on. Everyone was facing the door holding something to protect themselves. A sword, a plant, some type of blunt object and others were trying as hard as they could to hide.

But it was coming. I held my sword close to myself.

It didn’t matter if i was ready. I could do this.

We all can. Go out there. Go fight

Freelance Writing

I never intended to become a free lance writer.

In fact I still don’t know if I could do it. You’re your own boss, you manage your own schedule and your constantly looking for work. Is that a job I can do? I’m honestly not sure. If I don’t try at all though I know I’m going to regret not following my dreams. I love writing. I love writing about love. I love writing about space, about people, about fairies and animals. Writing is such an open world that we’ve barley scratched the surface of and to me that’s so unbelievably fascinating.

I binged watched Steven Universe and one of the quotes that really stood out to me was how human lives were all so complicated. Yet they were so simple. The sights we see, the sounds we here and the lives we live are all so similar and so different. That’s absolutely incredible.

Follow your dreams. Be happy. Love yourself

Mousetrap 

I had a stable job and I left

Working Kind of sucks.

Okay I know what you’re thinking. It has been one year and a month since I started this blog and I’ve hardly done anything with it. For that I apologize. Things got a little hectic for me and I lost myself. I lost myself in an RF gun and a job that paid me eleven dollars an hour. The problem with that was it also made me physically ill, gave me no time for myself and made me sleep all of the time.

Money does not equal happiness. I was able to afford things I wanted, when I wanted them and it didn’t put a dent in my bank account. I could afford concerts, the newest video games, LARP events, but I found myself isolated and unhappy. Sure I was making enough money to get what I need, pay my phone bill, pay for my medication, buy food but every day I spent in that warehouse I felt not only physically but mentally ill. I found myself lost because this is what everyone wanted from me. This was what made people proud of me. Yet I found myself crying on a regular basis. I found myself unhappy constantly and I could never figure out why.

I know now it’s because that wasn’t what I wanted. It wasn’t what I wanted to be doing. The money was nice but that didn’t make me happy.  What makes me happy is writing and being creative. What makes me happy is putting my emotions into something i truly care about and expressing myself in various ways. This is what I want to be doing and it’s going to be hard, it’s going to take time but I know I can do this. I know i can do this with everything I have.

Don’t lose yourself over money. Do what you love.

MouseTrap

Day Eleven (Only not really)

Monday,  August 15th 12:38 am

Honestly I really don’t have an excuse for why I’ve been gone so long. I think about this blog everyday and I can’t help but feel guilty. As if I’ve abandoned a child on the side of road. I’ve recently started working, I got a job at amazon and that would the good side of what was going on currently. The bad side being me getting into a car accident with my girlfriend and her dad. It left me unable to walk for about a week and unable to go onto the freeway without crying and being very very clingy.

My three nieces have been doing well, they’ve all recently completely recovered from a nasty cold that left one of them with asthma for a short period of time. The whole house is always in sort of a panic, but that’s honestly nothing new.

I’m afraid of others looking at me differently but I have ADHD, anxiety and depression. My days have been consisting of going to work, going to bed, and going to work again. It’s all my body would let me do, and sometimes even working is hard. Sometimes I would sit by the pile of work and stare at it because I have no drive or will power to do what I’m paid to do.

I’m going to try to get better on writing on this, and returning to writing a story that goes with the one word prompt daily. I’m sorry for being so inactive for so long, and I promise to try my best!

Mousetrap

Goals

When I was six years old I would draw pictures on sheets of printer paper, staple them together, and call myself an author. It was harmless enough and my mother smiled because of the creative side I could show off from such a young age. Until I told her that I wanted to write books for a living. She frowned, turned to look at me, and told me that being an author was probably never going to work. I thought that when I grew big and strong that would be my purpose. To make others smile through my words. I didn’t ever stop writing though. I never stopped and no matter what anyone told me I kept going.

When I would sing in the car everyday on the way home my older brother would scold me and tell me I needed to stop. I would try mimicking the beautiful voices in hope one day I would sound just as great as they did. I sadly never met that dream, because everyday I was met with opposition and despite my desperate attempts I felt belittled, I was mocked, and my purpose for singing so often was completely gone. Why should I sing when all I did was make everyone else unhappy? So I stopped singing. I stopped singing and to this day I regret it.

When I was eight i remember painting snowman and other various things. If my purpose was to let my creative side out through song, then it would be through a paintbrush. Right? I painted everyday. I painted bugs, snowmen, and whatever I could think of. I showed my mom and just like my writing, she told me chances of being what I want to be is slim to none. Being a painter would cause me to constantly be broke and she advised me to find another dream. Unlike my writing I stopped. I stopped getting better. I stopped trying and that’s what killed me. Never stop doing what you love. Never. I should have kept going because painting made me happy. Painting was an outlet for my emotions and feelings I should have never gotten rid of.

I lost myself in the words and thoughts of others around me. It took me nineteen years to realize what anyone thinks of what I do doesn’t matter. It’s making me happy. I am happy. And that’s all that should matter. That’s all thats going to matter.

That I’m happy.

Day Ten (Sorta): Home

June second, 2016 3:16 pm

Yes, I am perfectly aware I was gone way longer than I had originally said. I didn’t plan that, at all, and I hope you guys forgive me. Life decided to slap me across the face and I haven’t completely recovered still. In a nutshell I went to Oregon and almost ended up homeless from my own stupidity.

Not everything that happened while I was gone was a bad thing. I got a job at amazon, and while I’m still waiting for a schedule from them it’s my first job and I’m very excited. The national event I attended was a blast and I’m still very drained from that. Four days of running, walking, late nights and screaming. (Don’t be concerned, no one there actually died, it’s a live action roleplay, and combat isn’t that painful).

I went with my girlfriend, which I was very happy to share a tent with for four days and three nights. I was even happier to have her company for a little more than a week and a half. As cheesy as it sounds waking up and being with her everyday was honestly one of the best things and I can’t wait until I can see her everyday and wake up to that smile of hers. It makes me happy just thinking about it.

Now I am back home. My dad came into my room and hugged me, because when I left I left kind of rudely. I left without saying a word to any of my family members because I was so incredibly angry. Things are even better between me and my mom and more of my family members.  Things are looking up for me. Things are going to be okay.

XOXO MouseTrap

Day nine: Ugh

Thursday, May 12th 5:49 pm

It is so hot it’s kind of ridiculous. For a large majority of today I have been in bed due to stomach issues that I can only subdue, and will have to wait for my body stop being so sad to be on my A game again. Which brings me to something I didn’t want to do again but no daily prompt today, I feel seriously awful and I’m just not in the greatest condition to be sitting here writing.

Anyway, that’s all I have to say for today really, but I hope you all have a good rest of the day!

XOXO Mouse

Day eight: I’m sorry, what?

Wednesday, May 11th 2:26 pm

What do you mean I have ten followers? You’re kidding right? That’s insane! I didn’t think I would have more than two or three, and even thats pushing it! Oh gosh, I am so flattered, and thank you for reading my silly little short stories. Thank you so much because every notification that tells me someone else likes my story, or someone else commented on it, or someone else began following me, make me so happy and I’m amazed any of you decided to stick around for more of my dumb little ramblings.

I was thinking about putting my short stories into a book, and even adding some more that won’t make it to the site because I don’t want to post everything Online. Maybe some excerpts but not all of the chapters because well what’s the fun in buying a book you can read all Online? The thought of publishing gives me really good feelings that maybe I could be what I’ve been aspiring to be since I was little kid.

I’m going to be editing the stories I put on the blog to make them more polished and clear some ideas up that weren’t so clear in the first publishing. If you guys hadn’t noticed, most of work is very rough, and that is only because I do not proof read. At all. It’s a really bad habit and I know I should proof read before I hit publish but I’m going to do the literal exact same thing to this post and hit publish. Fight me.

No  short story from the one word prompt of the day. One reason being I want to get started editing the short stories I have so far and another being I just can’t think of anything to write for it. Lame excuse I know, but its the truth.

Stay lovely

XOXO Mouse

Love

He wore tank tops and basketball shorts, and when he smiled those dimples made my heart race. I was only seven years old and I could have sworn I was in love. Not just with him, but with so many others. I was in love with the lunch lady that smiled at me and told me happy birthday. I was in love with my first friend, because every day she brought fruit snacks and always gave me a strawberry because she knew they were my favorite. I was in love with my grandma, because she held my hand every day to and from school. I was in love with the girl that saw I was down and spent all her classroom tickets on a doll I had wanted for so long.

I’m in love with the tree in my grandma’s backyard because everyday me and my cousin would sit under it and have a picnic.  I’m in love with soccer and running because almost every day my cousins and I would run around and play together, hitting a ball against the fence and scoring goals. My life is filled with so much love, from me, from everyone else, and for so many things. My mother loves pink Macrons and freshly brewed chamomile tea. My dad loves lakes and fishing poles. My sister in law loves her daughter’s smile and her sister’s laugh.

When I was twelve years old I fell in love with kind words and gentle hugs. I fell in love with the smell of fresh noodles and hours of video games. I fell in love with the joy of having new friends and big open fields. Love was everywhere. Love was in the way my best friend hugged me after a hard day. Love was the way my parent’s kissed my head when it was time to go to sleep. Love was the way she brushed the hair out of my face when it was getting into my food.

Love was when I was fifteen and his eyes were diamonds and his kisses were gold. Love was when his hugs felt like heaven and he smelled like chocolate milk and home. Love was holding hands and the walks in the park every morning. Love was every moment with him, and every call with him, until love left us. Love left us cold and distant, but once upon a time it brought us warmth and together.

I fell in love again with his long blond hair and beautiful German accent. I fell in love with the way the held my hand and let me lay on their chest. I fell in love with their smell, and the way the pulled me close and spun me around every time they saw me. Love never left us, we just love in a different way now. He’s a beautiful friend, and now a very happy boyfriend to a very lucky person.

I fell in love with long brown hair and deep brown eyes, the smell of green tea, and video calls until three in the morning when I met him. I fell in love with the way he hugged me, the smile he got when I placed kisses on his cheeks, and the smile on his features when I brought him gifts. I fell in love with someone and every flaw, because thats what you do when your in love. When you love someone you love every part of who they are. You love their flaws, you love their looks, you love everything they do, and thats because you love them. You love them for being who they are, no matter how loud or how sweaty they got.

Thats when I met her. I was in a green wig and she was tall, beautiful and nervous. She smells like fresh laundry, her lips are as soft as the first time I kissed them, and her arms feel like home. I fell in love with the way she lays on my chest and gets so comfortable she falls asleep. I fell in love with the way she forgets how much she can say and keeps going about everything she loves so much. From her stories to her worlds, I would listen, and she would stop because she would get so lost in her tale she became flustered and hid her face.

I’ve fallen in love with many people. I’ve fallen in love with so many things. I’ve fallen in love with books, food, magic, feelings, and myself. Love is never a short list. Love is so many things that I can never just tell anyone everything that I love. Because in the time I would speak I would fall in love with so many more things. I would fall in love even more with everything I would speak of. I would fall in love with the feeling of comfort between me and the individual, and I fall in love with their gestures and matter of speaking that my list would continue to grow on that very spot.

I’ve heard people say you need to reserve your love. That you need to keep it special and reserve it for things truly deserving. To that I say what a boring life to live. Love everything. Love the smell of coffee in the morning. Love the warmth of your bed sheets and calmness of night. Love the smell of new books and Dragon blood incense. Love they way your hair looks after the shower, love the way your makeup looks, love yourself, and don’t let anyone tell you what you can and can’t love. Love freely and with passion. Love with everything you have. Be open to receiving love and spreading love. Because love is so crazy and so different that love is never the same feeling. Love is complex, love is different, and love is free.